John walked to his car, followed by Freddie, and headed towards the manicure saloon:
- However, I'm a very unfortunate secret agent. I don't have the luck of that bloody James Bond! He always gets a beautiful woman to play in his movies!!! It's not fair, I've never got one so far!
- I think we can solve it, Freddie said. What do you like so much about those women?
- They are beautiful...
- I'm beautiful too, John!
- They're clever...
- Well that's how I am, too!
- They've got a splendid make-up and a terrific nail polish...
- Doesn't it sound exactly like me dear? Don't be sad, John, I can even dress like a woman and handle a vacuum cleaner too, if you want me to!
John grew angry:
- Oh come on, Fred, in Bond's movies women do things we can't obviously do now!
- It's only for the better, Freddie replied, it'll be a family-friendly movie, children will be watching it and...

He never finished his words. A huge car filled with Nazi soldiers bumped into theirs. John tried to drive away as fast as he could, but their machine guns began to fire and his car, chopped and broken down to pieces, finally crashed into a wall. While John Bond was recovering, Freddie checked out whether his nails were all right:
- I was wrong, no child will ever watch this movie, it has way too much violence in it: one of my nails has been broken! Sheer violence, I tell you!

The Nazis captured and took them to their headquarters. That's where John met the fierce Nazi leader, a young blonde officer... erm, where had he seen this guy before?
- Roger??!!! Freddie shouted in amazement.
- Is that you? Oh no! What, Roger, my best friend, are you the leader of our enemies? What evil purposes are you following?
Roger looked coldly towards them:
- I'm gonna kill the queen and the prime-minister and we Nazis are gonna rule the world! Ha ha ha!
- You murderer!!! John began to scream. I'm never gonna let you do this,I'll, I'll... I'll stop you even with the cost of my life!
- Yeah that's exactly why you're gonna die right now! John Bond immediately lost his courage:
- Come on, Rog, you're a nice pal... you can't do this to me, eh?
Freddie still suffered because of the loss of his nail:
- Yes, he can, dear, he's nothing but a murderer! If he can kill like that an innocent nail, don't expect him to hesitate when it comes to killing a human being!
- What's your nail got to do with it? John answered. Please stop making this situation worse than it is, Fred, and say something nice, like how well he plays drums or what a splendid song is Radio Ga Ga, I'm In Love With My Car or...
- No way! The only thing I'll ever say about this bloody story is that it looks like a soap opera! And the worst I've ever seen, that's for sure! Just think about it for a moment, Rog: you're not even being original! All the Nazi officers, from every movie ever, are blonde, blue-eyed, cold-blooded guys, just like you now! That's a mock-opera indeed!
- Like your Bohemian Rhapsody? Roger asked.
- Don't you start with it now! If you don't like my song, I don't like your Radio Ga Ga either!
- Freddie, you shouldn't have said that! John shivered. Now he's gonna kill us!

Roger was boilin'up inside, indeed:
- Soldiers, will you shoot these men right now!
- Oh, no...
- Come on, John, you're a secret agent, after all, you'll surely find a way to get us out of here and be a hero! Freddie encouraged him.

Scrisa de Alexa Ciucu
© Alexa Ciucu 2004

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